By Elizabeth Erwin, Ed.D., Montclair State University
and Leslie Soodak, Ph.D., Pace University
👪 Five Facts Every Family Should Know
1. 🗣️ All behavior is a form of communication
Children communicate through behavior, especially when they don’t have the words to express feelings. Acting out is often a sign they are upset or their needs aren’t being met.
2. ❗ There is always a reason for problem behavior
Children may act out to gain attention, avoid something, or get a sensory need met. Behavior is meaningful—even if it’s confusing.
3. 🔄 There can be many reasons behind one behavior
A single behavior might reflect hunger, fear, frustration, or boredom. Look beneath the surface to understand what your child is trying to express.
4. 🧠 Adults can learn to interpret behavior
Understanding your child’s behavior helps you respond with support, not frustration. Children also learn from how adults behave.
5. ❤️ Behavior improves with support—not punishment
Punishment might stop the behavior temporarily but doesn’t teach better ways to cope. Support helps children feel safe and learn healthier responses.
🧩 Factors That Contribute to Challenging Behavior
Think like a detective. Ask:
- Is my child avoiding something or someone?
- Does the behavior feel good to them (like spinning or flapping)?
- Are they tired, hungry, or unwell?
- Could it be a reaction to food or medication?
- Are they feeling anxious, confused, or overwhelmed?
- Are they trying to get attention or escape a task?
- Do they need more time or help?
Tip: Note what happens before and after the behavior. You may find a pattern.
🌈 Nine Ways to Reduce Challenging Behavior
1. 🏡 Change the setting
Adjust the environment or activity. Reduce noise or move to a calmer space.
2. 😌 Respond calmly
Take a moment to breathe. Reacting with anger can make things worse.
3. 🗯️ Teach alternate behaviors
Show your child better ways to ask, share, or express frustration.
4. ✅ Offer choices
Give limited options to help them feel in control. (“Would you like to read or color?”)
5. 🌟 Notice the positive
Praise specific behaviors: “You were so patient with your sister!”
6. 🕒 Be consistent
Keep routines predictable. Follow through on what you say.
7. 🧭 Avoid surprises
Prepare your child for changes ahead of time to reduce anxiety.
8. 🎉 Have fun together
Build joy into daily routines. Play, laugh, connect.
9. 🧘 Practice yoga
Yoga can help children (and parents!) feel calm, strong, and focused.
🛠️ What to Do When Challenging Behavior Persists
If behaviors continue or are severe, consider Positive Behavior Support (PBS):
- Understand the behavior – Use a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA).
- Teach replacement behaviors – Help your child learn better ways to communicate.
- Prevent future problems – Adjust settings or routines that trigger behavior.
- Encourage progress – Use praise and support as your child learns new skills.
Work with your child’s teacher, pediatrician, or a behavior specialist. If your child has an IEP, a behavior plan can be included.
📚 Learn More
- Teaching Respect – PBS Parents
- Mad Feelings – Mister Rogers
- Positive Behavior Support & FBA Guide